won-too-tree's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- live and learn So I'm sick again -- and I can't even call in sick to work (despite a 100 degree fever) because my coworker called in sick for almost two weeks straight and our boss lost his shit and said our whole office is collapsing around him (it's not). I was juuuust sick! For New Years I was super sick. Can't believe it came back so quickly. All I ever want to do these days is spend the day in bed sleeping or reading. Except for the fact that I need a new mattress.. That's what I really want. Well things with El go up and down and all around as usual. We went out with friends the other night and I had two drinks instead of one and he threatened to leave me for that. Whoa there, buddy. Everyday he picks me up from work and we don't even get a block before he is screaming at some other car and swerving around them to prove something (still not sure what, exactly). But yesterday we went shopping and he helped me do laundry and cook dinner and was generally sweet to me. I don't know. I don't want to leave him but I think maybe I'm back to that magic land where I don't need him either. I've blurred around these edges for years and I've learned a few things along the way: "needing" to be with anyone is the quickest way to get used/abused/discarded; not needing someone AND not wanting them makes for a bitter relationship; not needing but still wanting (reasonably) is best. I've done all of the above and I've learned the hard way. If things with El don't work out, I would never get married again and I certainly wouldn't want kids with anyone else. 3:01 p.m. - 2012-01-23 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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